Kindness is Good Politics
As I was thinking about today’s topic, two thoughts came up at the same time: kindness and politics. While this seems like an oxymoron, they should always be connected.
The practice of politics is not limited to the governmental activities we observe in the news. Politics happens in all organizations, including families, when people have separate agendas, opinions, and approaches to a common purpose. “Politics is the art or science of influencing other people on a civic or individual level.” Wikipedia.
Communicating from inside a box
The authors of Leadership and Self-Deception, The Arbinger Institute, write about a common communication challenge. When we communicate with another person and want something from that person, we often see them as an obstacle in the way of what we want or a vehicle to get what we want. We can all unconsciously do this as parents, spouses, leaders, and co-workers.
Arbinger calls this communicating from inside a box. Their simple solution to getting out of the box is always to look at the other person as a human being. When we speak with another person, no matter what we say, our connection to them is enhanced when we see them as a person, not an obstacle or vehicle.
So, how do we do this when we have passion around a topic and want the other person to see and do things our way? When a person has the exact opposite idea of what needs to happen about something that I passionately believe needs to happen, I do not constantly feel like he’s human. At that point, he looks more like a low-intelligence, lack-of-talent moron who is holding back progress.
The answer is to feel and express kindness at the exact moment intentionally. We may feel just the opposite.
Energetically, when we feel and express kindness to another, we also open ourselves to feelings of compassion, collaboration, a desire to participate fully, and a deeper dedication to a common purpose. We are also more likely to use the skill of coaching (rather than telling) to help the other person discover the answer we would prefer them to have. Sustaining kindness also helps us to hold our positive energy and remain out of the box for limited results.
Try this the next time you want to persuade someone to do what you want. Before the conversation, ground yourself to see the other person through the kindness viewfinder. You can still use all of your persuasive abilities; say anything you need to be convincing, but now, you have a better chance that the other person will hear you.
Committed to seeing everyone with kindness,
Gary
